No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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