im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
