capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
