good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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