I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my liver is dry heaving
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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