Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
