My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
