I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize