is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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