Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize