I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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