I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
