Betty ford says i'm here all night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
