I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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