I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
