dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
