i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize