I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
