I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
