Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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