the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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