woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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