How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
