Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
