how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
