roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
