i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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