Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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