turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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