i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
