im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
