so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
