someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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