I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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