the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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