it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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