So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
