i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
