i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
