I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
