i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
do nipples grow back?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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