If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
farters have to be the big spoon...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
