Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize