Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
