i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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