its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
