i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
