My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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