Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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