Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
