textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
