dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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