it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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