The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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