We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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