in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
