You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize