Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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