half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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