I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
