Screwed.edu
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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