Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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