maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
