in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
