Kiss
Puke
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
